dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
