2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
