I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
