literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
