My liver just broke up with me...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
