my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
