nut hugger
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
