i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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