I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
