Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
