Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
