I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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