you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
