Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
