We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
