he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
