i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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