I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
