So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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