i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My feet surprised me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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