And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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