I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
