If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
