I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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