If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
