All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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