Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
