i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
