And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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