Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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