do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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