Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
As shirtless as possible
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
