If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
