I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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