i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
