mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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