he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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