You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
