At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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