I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
