hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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