ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
