I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
