Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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