Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize