I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
