Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
