Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
