Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
