you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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