I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she woke up with a sticky ear
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
