She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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