there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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