After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
