my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
