I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm just crazy horny about you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
