How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
