Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
