i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
