2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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