i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
