Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
