so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Green mimosas i think yes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
