Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You smell like stripper and shame
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
