the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ketchup is God's man juice
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
