Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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