Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
