I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
