Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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