Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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