I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize