A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
