that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
