did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize