I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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