If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
