If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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