He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
