I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Randomize
