I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
