i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
