I wanna bring you to show and tell
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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