I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize