I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
