I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
