I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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