Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize