He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
