you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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