DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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