I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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