my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
