I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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