oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
