I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Barsexuality is the new black.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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