gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
