i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
