When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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