dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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