her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
